THE COMEDY OF ERRORS

Act 2 Scene 1

(Enter from the Phoenix Adriana, wife of Antipholus of Ephesus, with Luciana, her sister)
l1l	Adriana	 Neither my husband nor the slave returned
l2l		That in such haste I sent to seek his master?
l3l		Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.
l4l	Luciana	Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
l5l		And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.
l6l		Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.
l7l		A man is master of his liberty.
l8l		Time is their mistress, and when they see time
l9l		They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.
l10l	Adriana	Why should their liberty than ours be more?
l11l	Luciana	Because their business still lies out o’ door.
l12l	Adriana	Look when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
l13l	Luciana	O, know he is the bridle of your will.
l14l	Adriana	There’s none but asses will be bridled so.
l15l	Luciana	Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.
l16l		There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye
l17l		But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.
l18l		The beasts, the fishes, and the wingèd fowls
l19l		Are their males’ subjects and at their controls.
l20l		Man, more divine, the master of all these,
l21l		Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas,
l22l		Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
l23l		Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls,
l24l		Are masters to their females, and their lords.
l25l		Then let your will attend on their accords.
l26l	Adriana	This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
l27l	Luciana	Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.
l28l	Adriana	But were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
l29l	Luciana	Ere I learn love, I’ll practise to obey.
l30l	Adriana	How if your husband start some otherwhere?
l31l	Luciana	Till he come home again, I would forbear.
l32l	Adriana	Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause:
l33l		They can be meek that have no other cause.
l34l		A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
l35l		We bid be quiet when we hear it cry.
l36l		But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
l37l		As much or more we should ourselves complain.
l38l		So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
l39l		With urging helpless patience would relieve me.
l40l		But if thou live to see like right bereft,
l41l		This fool-begged patience in thee will be left.
l42l	Luciana	Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
		(Enter Dromio of Ephesus)
l43l		Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.
l44l	Adriana	Say, is your tardy master now at hand?
l45l	Dromio Of Ephesus	 Nay, he’s at two hands with me, and
l46l		that my two ears can witness.
l47l	Adriana	 Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his mind?
l48l	Dromio Of Ephesus	I? Ay, he told his mind upon mine ear.
l49l		Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
l50l	Luciana	Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel his meaning?
l51l	Dromio Of Ephesus	 Nay, he struck so plainly I could too
l52l		well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully that I
l53l		could scarce under-stand them.
l54l	Adriana	 But say, I prithee, is he coming home?
l55l		It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
l56l	Dromio Of Ephesus	Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
l57l	Adriana	Horn-mad, thou villain?
l58l	Dromio Of Ephesus	I mean not cuckold-mad, but sure he is stark mad.
l59l		When I desired him to come home to dinner,
l60l		He asked me for a thousand marks in gold.
l61l		“’Tis dinner-time,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
l62l		“Your meat doth burn,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.
l63l		“Will you come home?” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he#
l64l		“Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?”
l65l		“The pig”, quoth I, “is burned.” “My gold!” quoth he.
l66l		“My mistress, sir—” quoth I. “Hang up thy mistress!
l67l		I know thy mistress not. Out on thy mistress!”
l68l	Luciana	Quoth who?
l69l	Dromio Of Ephesus	Quoth my master.
l70l		“I know”, quoth he, “no house, no wife, no mistress.”
l71l		So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
l72l		I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders#
l73l		For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
l74l	Adriana	Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
l75l	Dromio Of Ephesus	Go back again and be new beaten home?
l76l		For God’s sake, send some other messenger.
l77l	Adriana	Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
l78l	Dromio Of Ephesus	An he will bless that cross with other beating,
l79l		Between you I shall have a holy head.
l80l	Adriana	Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home.
		(She beats Dromio)
l81l	Dromio Of Ephesus	 Am I so round with you as you with me,
l82l		That like a football you do spurn me thus?
l83l		You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither.
l84l		If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
		(Exit)
l85l	Luciana	(to Adriana)
		 Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!
l86l	Adriana	His company must do his minions grace,
l87l		Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
l88l		Hath homely age th’ alluring beauty took
l89l		From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it.
l90l		Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit?
l91l		If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,
l92l		Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.
l93l		Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
l94l		That’s not my fault: he’s master of my state.
l95l		What ruins are in me that can be found
l96l		By him not ruined? Then is he the ground
l97l		Of my defeatures. My decayèd fair
l98l		A sunny look of his would soon repair.
l99l		But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale,
l100l		And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale.
l101l	Luciana	Self-harming jealousy! Fie, beat it hence.
l102l	Adriana	Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
l103l		I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
l104l		Or else what lets it but he would be here?
l105l		Sister, you know he promised me a chain.
l106l		Would that alone o’ love he would detain,
l107l		So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.
l108l		I see the jewel best enamellèd
l109l		Will lose her beauty. Yet the gold bides still
l110l		That others touch# and often touching will
l111l		Wear gold, and yet no man that hath a name
l112l		By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
l113l		Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
l114l		I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die.
l115l	Luciana	How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
		(Exeunt into the Phoenix)